What does it matter?
How many times in a situation have I said “oh man, who cares”. Innumerable. Last week also. What strikes me is that I say it when I just don’t know the answer, I don’t feel like having an extensive conversation. It’s a short answer to be yourself again soon. Man, how liberating that can be. Letting go of the so-called expectation or obligation to have to give some reaction that you do not even have ‘in house’.
Once separated from everything, an individual is always exposed to new influences that can eventually lead to bondage and dependence. It is an eternal process. You never really get rid of values and norms. You never get away from certain laws. Just like when you lift a stone and see all kinds of insects crawling in one direction. The centipede slightly faster than the worm but still. They all have something in common; run for something or someone. They don’t really know what danger that is. It is their instinct that sudden exposure to light calls for action. But they are aware that they are vulnerable. Born, and always used to survive often or perhaps always in the dark and then suddenly the bright sunlight unmasks their hiding place. Well, the sun? Rather, it is someone else who so boldly turns the life of the hidden world upside down here. This is how it can feel when you are pried free from your mental comfort zone. Someone boldly comes into your hidden protective world with words or deeds and exposes familiar values and norms. What do you have to do then? Crawl like that centipede and that worm? Where and what do you take with you in your ‘shelter’? Due to unexpected circumstances, you may be tempted or tempted to change your familiar thinking. But there must be something else to replace it.
Like that man who leaves the city behind and goes to live in the countryside. We make the fallacy that we can then change. Maybe for a small part. But wherever we go we take ourselves with us. Everywhere we leave we leave something of ourselves. We have been programmed from birth to adapt and not to change. Changing is not the same as adjusting. Adjustment is the same as bondage and dependence. Change is the same as innovation. Just like a river that creates itself. It transcends our deepest thinking and exposes inaccessible places of the heart. It is precisely those inaccessible places that can sometimes bring something new to the light that you cannot go anywhere. Because individuals adapt, new experiences threaten what you grew up in and the relationships you entered into.
Change is; when your heart becomes filled with something and it never lets you go, you live from that moment and your life has taken a different turn. Visible or invisible to yourself or to others. Sometimes you may have to live unseen with that change. That it is not expressed physically or mentally. All that remains is to accept that you will eventually survive with that change. Accept that you will save it just like those insects under that stone and run if necessary. Not to the light, but to the dark. What does it matter?
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